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Show Me The Way

Chapter 22

EVIE’S POV:

I spent hours sitting in my room that night, trying to understand how in just a couple of hours, I managed to completely screw my life up. My brother was gone, Zoey had let him leave, and these were two things I apparently had no control over, that was clear. But Zayn… god, I hated myself. He had said the most incredible things to me, thing’s no one has ever said, things that I had been dying to hear and were even better because I knew he meant them. And I was too much of a coward and too pathetic to say anything back, no matter how much I was dying to.

And I have no idea why.

Why couldn’t I look him in the eye and tell him I love him, that he’s the most incredible thing that’s ever happened to me, and that I have absolutely no idea what I would do without him? And god, the look on his face after he poured his heart out to me and I just stood there, it broke my heart. It completely destroyed me. And still, I did nothing.

He deserved someone better than me, someone less broken, and more willing to open up and just be themselves.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” Zoey knocked on my open door, a somber look on her usually open and happy face.

“I guess.” I muttered, not looking at her, but instead studying the book in my lap, not actually having read any of it, it was just open to a random page.

“Look, I get that you’re pissed at me. maybe it wasn’t the right choice, but what else could I have done? You know better than anyone that no matter what anyone said, he was gonna leave no matter what. He’s like your mom in that way…” I hated when people brought up my mom, like it would make me forgive whatever it was that they did. That wasn’t the case. My mom was a mess, she wasn’t exactly the best person to be compared to.

“You don’t need to talk about mom to get my attention. I said you could come in, you’ve got it.” Now, I did look up at her. She was a wreck, that much was obvious.

“Fine, fair enough. But am I wrong?”

No, she wasn’t.

“Okay, don’t answer me. But honestly, I think he’ll come back on his own, when he’s ready to talk. I still don’t know what happened for him to end up arrested, beaten up, and in the hospital. But he’s not going to tell me, not yet.”

She was right. “I know.”

“Okay, so, how long can I expect the silent treatment?” Her tone was slightly more playful now. And even though what she was saying was true, I still think she could’ve done more. “I heard Zayn here earlier, where’d he go?” I couldn’t talk about that right now.

“Zoey, can you please just go? I get that you’re trying to help, but you’re really just not.” She flinched slightly, we never talked to each other that way. But she backed off, shutting my door behind me.

- -

The rest of that night was spent lying on top of my duvet, staring up at my ceiling, trying to stop the pounding in my head. But it never did go away. I had a terrible night’s sleep, which I think I deserved. The worst part is that I really did need to get up and go to work the next morning. I was sort of petrified that Zayn might show up, seeing me looking like hell. But, he never showed up. And even though half of me was relieved, the other half of me wanted to see his face, to hear him say he loved me, and to be able to tell him the same thing.

“You wanna talk?” Nate asked at one point.

“I take it you’ve heard.” I mumbled, stacking plates.

“No. But it isn’t hard to tell something’s wrong.”

“Thank for the offer, but I don’t really think i’m ready.” He nodded, not saying another word about it. And I was so damn thankful I didn’t know how to react other than my first instinct, which was barely making it into the back room before I burst into tears. I couldn’t stop myself from crying. And it was that kind fo disgusting crying, the kind where you’re breathing really fast and you pull at your hair and your sleeves and anything you can because it makes the pain in your chest go away. I heard Nate shut the door behind him, standing behind me as I try to get a hold of myself.

“I’m really sorry Nate, you shouldn’t have to deal with this-” I covered my mouth with my hand, trying to stop the sobbing. It was close to impossible. I hadn’t really let it out, everything I was feeling since yesterday. It was too much, this was all just too much.

“Ev, you don’t need to apologize. We’re friends, I’ll help you, if you want it.” He placed a hand on my shoulder, squeezing lightly. I turned around, instinctively throwing myself into his open arms. It was just what I needed right now, no matter who it was coming from. He rubbed my back soothingly, letting my cry until I was finished.

“Thank you. but I am really sorry. And you deserve to know about everything that’s going on when you’re being forced to deal with all fo this. I just-”

“Don’t worry, really Evie. If you don’t want to talk, you don’t have to. But if you do, whenever you’re ready, i’ll be here.” I was so thankful to have someone not directly involved in all of this that I coudl talk to.

“It’s just, such a long story…”

“Like I said, when you’re ready.” I nodded. “How about you take the rest of the week off?”

“No, Nate-”

“Nope! I insist.” He held his hands up in defense, smiling like the boss authority figure he actually was.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.

“Well, um, do you mind if I stay back here for a while? I really don’t feel like going home.”

“Absolutely, knock yourself out. I think there are some snacks in the cabinet, maybe even some ice cream in the fridge. Plus, an old ratty couch that you get all to yourself.” I smiled, wiping away the last of my tears.

“Thank you. Are you sure you’ll be okay working?” I sighed, wiping under my eyes, sure I had black streaks all down my face.

“Of course, it’s been a slow day anyway. Besides, Grace just got here. I can hear her talking to a customer, so we’re set here.”

* * *

NIALL’S POV:

I needed to be the one to tell Zayn about what Grace had seen. She didn’t know him well enough, and he definitely needed to know. But he had been so closed off for the past two days. He’s barely left his room. And if he wasn’t there, he was out in the side alley, going through at least 2 or 3 packs a day.

He’s been skipping meetings with Dr. Block too, I know this since that lady from the front desk called three times already. He was letting his entire life fall apart over a small bump in the road with Evie, and I couldn’t stand around and just watch and let it happen anymore.

“Can I talk to you?” I ask when he comes in from smoking outside. He looks like a complete wreck; like he hasn’t slept in days, or shaved, or showered. I hadn’t seen Zayn like this in a while, definitely not since he met Evie. She was the best damn thing that ever happened to him, I know that for a fact.

“Not really in the mood-” He mutters, walking heavily towards his room.

“Trust me, I think you’re gonna want to hear this. Especially if you care about Evie.” This makes him stop, I knew it would. He doesn’t turn around, but I can tell his shoulders straightened slightly. “Interested yet?”

“What the hell is wrong with Evie? Is she okay?!” He turns around, fear in his eyes. I didn’t mean to scare him this much, I just wanted to get his attention.

“Yeah, yeah she’s fine. Can you just sit down?”

So, he does, reluctantly.

And the, I tell him everything. He doesn’t freak out as much as I thought he might. But it’s obvious that he isn’t happy.

“You sure this is true? They’re friends, I mean, I guess they’re friends. I don’t even know-” But then he stopped,”-Fucking hell, I KNEW it!” He growled, running a hand through his disheveled hair. “I knew he liked her. I could tell, god i’m a fucking moron!” He got up, pacing back and forth in front of me.

“So what are you gonna do about it?”

“What do you mean?” he stopped, looking at my desperately, like somehow I knew what to tell him. Which just showed how delusional he was, since I’m pretty sure I should be the last person to give advice. Until recently, I’d never had a ‘real’ relationship. Meaning, one that didn’t consist of drinking and then hooking up randomly. But if you really think about it…. Zayn hadn’t had anything like what he has with Evie before either. He had girls, obviously, but never anything serious. Just someone to bring to clubs and parties and stuff, nothing real or serious or that he thougth was worth holding onto. But this thing with Evie was a completely different story.

“I need to talk to her-” he said quickly, walking quickly towards the oor.

“Woah, wait a sec! You sure you don’t want to think this through?”

“What there hell’s there to think through? If that asshole thinks he can steal her away from me he’s gonna have to fight for her.” I had never seen him like this before, I wasn’t sure how to handle it.

So I let him go, because really, what other choice did I have?

* * *

ZAYN’S POV:

It wasn’t until I had practically ran all the way to the cafe that I realized I had no clue what I was going to say once I got in there. I was so incredibly angry, more than I can ever remember being. I hadn’t thought about what to say to either of them until now, as I stood at the door, catching my breath. Just the thought of that fucking asshole Nate with his hands on Evie, trying to console her or whatever the fuck he thought he was doing, it makes me sick. he didn’t get to touch her, he didn’t get to steer her in whatever he thought the ‘right’ direction was. He didn’t get to win.

I swung the door open, noticing that the only people in the cafe were Grace, who was behind the counter, and Nate, who was sitting at one of the tables with a notebook and calculator.

“Where the hell is she?” I asked angrily, glaring at him.

Nate immedietly stood up, coming over to me and pushing a hand agains my shoulder. “I think you neend to calm down, mate.” he said. I slapped his arm away.

“I don’t really care what you think Where. Is. Evie?”

“It’s fine, Nate.” I heard a small voice say. I looked towards the door to the back room to find Evie standing there, her arms crossed, eyes red, strained on me. “What are you doing here?” She asked.

“Niall told me what Grace saw. He told me that you two were back there, having some sort of heart-to-heart or whatever, he told me you were touching her-” I stepped forward, but Nate held me back again.

“Woah, what the hell? You have no clue what you’re talking about. I really think you need to calm down.” I didn’t look at him, I kept my eyes on Evie, looking for something in her face to give something away to me. But there was nothing. She looked blank.

“We can talk back here.” She said, her voice quiet and flat. I stepped around Nate, following her into the back room where she shut the door behind us. Why is it that this is where the most important parts of our relationship have happened?

“Why did you come here?” She leaned against the wall, arms still crossed. She didn’t look angry or upset with me. She just seemed drained, destroyed, exhausted.

I wasn’t messing around, I was just going to be honest; “Grace told Niall that when she came in for work a little while ago that she saw you and Nate back here. That you two were- I don’t know, ‘talking intimatly’ are the worst she used…. And then you hugged. But not just a frinedly hug-”

“Zayn…” It sounded so stupid when I said it out loud. All of this was ridiculous, what had I been thinking?

“Am I wrong?”

She hung her head, hair falling out of her messy bun. She then straightened up, looking right at me. “Do you really need to ask that question?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you.” There. I said it. Again. “And it scares the shit out of my to think you could walk away from me so easily.” Her face softened, making me wonder if maybe this really was all just a misunderstanding that we could fix right now.

“I’m not walking away from you Zayn, I promise. I’m just- I need some time. I’m scared too, feeling the way that I do scares me to death. Because i’ve never let myself care this much.”

“But you do? Care?”

* * *

EVIE’S POV:

My eyes darted away from his face when he asked this, needing to be able to think clearly, and that could never happen when I was looking at those golden brown eyes.

Zayn took a few steps forward until he was standing just inches from me, my back still pressed against the wall. He smelled like smoke, mint gum, and the leather from his jacket. His warm breath fanned over my face, he was so close.

“I know you do. I know it.-” He stroked my cheek gently, causing shivers to race down my spine. “- The other night, the best damn night of my life, I heard you. I wasn’t asleep. I heard what you said. I know you care. And baby, you don’t need to be afraid of me. I’m never gonna leave you, I couldn’t. But if time is what you need, then you can have it. But i’m gonna be right here when you’re ready.” I practically shuddered as his hand trailed across my skin lightly. It was quite possibly the most sensual thing i’ve ever experienced in my life; Zayn’s body against mine, his hands touching me like I were made of glass, his low raspy voice in my ear. I wanted to stay close to him, so I didn’t move, just resting my head on his shoulder. One of his hands gripped my waist while the other cupped my cheek.

“If I say it now, It’ll be all wrong. I don’t want to remember it like this. I want to be happy, I want to be able to focus on you, not all of this other shit going on in my life right now. But god, Zayn, you have to know how important you are. Which is why I wanted some space, you don’t deserve this…” I sniffled, keeping my head down, willing myself to stop crying. “- I don’t know why you stick around, I can’t imagine it’s really worth all this trouble-” With this, he gripped me tighter, pulling my body flush against his.

“You are worth everything, do you hear me? You think so little of yourself, when in reality you’re fucking near perfect.” He spoke with more determination in his voice than i’ve ever heard, it made my heart hurt. “And you can have as much time as you need, okay?” I nodded. His hands moved to my face, wiping away my tears. “I’m gonna go now, alright? But you’re gonna be okay, I know you are. You’re so damn strong, you can do this. You need to.”

And he was so completely right. I did need to do this. I needed to handle things with Zoey, with my brother. But mostly, I needed to figure out what I want. I need to do something for myself. Until I do, I could never be the type of girl that Zayn should have in his life, the type of girl who can be good for him, help him, love him.

* * *

Notes

so, what do you guys think of this chapter? Let me know !!

I'm really really sorry that updates have been taking so long. This past week was so rediculously exhausting. In total, I was in a car for 24 hours, going all over the east coast doing college visits. Thankfully, that's all over, and hopefully i'm going to be able to have more time to write, which i'm excited about :) So thank you for sticking with me and being patiend,
I love you all !! thank you for reading !!!

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Comments

Love it!
unfortunately, i am STILL not able to post on this site for unknown reason, but i just posted the new chapter on my blog yayyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!! so yeah, you can go to notarealhipster.tumblr.com and click on the 'fanfics' tag and all my fics with their newest chapters are there :)
also, i started writing a non-fic story (it's a New Adult romance-fiction thing) called 'Change My Mind'. There's a tab for that on my blog too, so i hope maybe some of you will read it and like it. thank you so much if you do !!!!! <3
** IMPORTANT **

I'm really sorry guys, but for some reason it isn't letting me post Chapter 28 on here. I've tried a bunch of time,s but it isn't working. But I posted the chapter on my blog HERE so if you wanted to read it, it's there :)
Its like you never update UGHHH