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Save Your Heart

Chapter 18


It’s been difficult keeping this Carrie secret from Anna. The magazines were already speculating something between us, all things made up by publicists and all untrue. But thankfully, we all steered clear of the gossip sites and papers, so I was fairly certain she hadn’t seen any of those stories. But Carrie was calling constantly, asking my to go to clubs and parties with her, all of which I refused. But I knew It wouldn’t be long until she would take it one step further and do something extremely public, something that would ruin everything.

All of that, on top of the fact that I couldn’t get myself to act normally in front of Anna. I hated hiding things from her, and I’m pretty sure she knows something is going on.

Like, right now, she’s in her room, i’m in mine, and we’ve barely talked all day. I hear her door open and close, I’m in the hall in a second flat.

“What are you up to?!” I say, my voice obviously way too enthusiastic.

“Um, I’m going to dinner with Molly.” She gives me a strange look, pulling her arms through her jacket.

“Oh, okay, have fun.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Um, Anna!” She’s halfway down the hall when she turns around. I want to tell her everything, the whole truth. But I don’t know how without hurting her.


“We should talk- later, when you get back.” I faint smile spreads on her face.

“Yeah, we should. I’ll see you later.”


I hear the door shut and finally let out the breath I hadn’t realized I had bene holding in. I was so damn nervous, because I knew she wouldn’t understand this, it was too much for anyone to be able to handle. Hell, I didn’t even understand it! I don’t understand why Carrie cared so much, why she chose me to force this on, why the hell Syco agreed to it, why Simon wouldn’t return my calls, and why just when I thought things were finally moving in the right direction, karma comes in and fucks it all up.

* * *


“This is a terrible Idea, Molls!” I yell over the pounding music. I’m clutching her arm, praying we don’t get separated in the crowd. How a quiet dinner ended up being a club-hopping night, i’m not really sure. One second Molly and I are eating pasta and catching up, and the next second I’m getting a text from Perrie, telling me everyone’s going to this new club and that we should meet her and Zayn there in half an hour. I almost didn’t tell Molly, but the second I did, the decision was made. Everyone was tying to get me to branch out and go outside of my comfort zone. I guess this was just her way of ‘helping’ me. Because the last time I went to a club it went So. Incredibly. Well…

“Oh, hush! It’s gonna be great. Youll get to spend some nice quality time with your boy, I’ll get some free drinks out of it, everybody wins.” I just laugh, stunned by her logic.

“I think I see Blondie jumping up and down like an idiot.” I say, spotting Niall from across the dance floor. I wave when he turns in my direction, expecting for him to reciprocate. But instead, a look of surprise followed by one of horror appears. He looks around frantically, spotting Liam and saying something to him, both of them now looking seriously at each other, and then at me.

Suddenly, the music’s volume is lowered and a busty blonde steps onstage, most likely flashing her panties to the people in the front row due to her insanely short dress. But she doesn’t seem to care, just giggling and grabbing the mic.

“HI EVERYONEEEEE!” She squeales, smiling and hopping excitedly on her five-inch platform heels, making the top of her strapless dress fall down slightly. I’m embarrassed for this girl. But she seems oblivious to the spectacle she is making of herself, or maybe she just doesn’t care.

“As you know, I’m Carrie Bates. I am SO SO excited to be in London celebrating the opening of Club ZEN with you. As you can tell, i’m from across the pond, so that means you all have to be extra nice to me, since I’m new to London.” Her high-pitched squeaky voice is getting on my nerves, as well as the people around us.

“What is this girl doing?” Molly asks, a disgusted sound to her voice. I just shrug, not sure what to say. I want to try and get over to where the boys are, but the dance floor and surrounding areas are so packed, I’ll have to wait until the music starts back up again and try and move my way through the crowd.

“Anywhooo, I may be new to London, but I think i’m already adjusting pretty well. I mean, I’ve already scored myself a smokin’ hot british boyfriend who I KNOW you have heard of. Babe- get up here!” She waves at someone frantically in the crowd, pouting her lips when the seem to turn down her request. “BABYYYYY! Come on!” She whines, going over to the edge of the stage, pulling at an arm until the guy is forced to the front of the crowd. She tugs on his arm until he reluctantly climbed onstage.

Oh. My. God.

Suddenly, my heart no longer feels like it resides in my chest. Instead, there’s an empty space there. I can hardly breathe.

“Anna- Anna ! What the hell is going on, why is Harry up there with that girl?!”

“I- I don’t know.” I manage to get out. I know I should leave, turn around and get the hell out of here, but I can’t move, and I can’t pull my eyes away from the stage, where Carrie now has her arms around Harry and is looking up at him with a mock-innocent look.

“Baby, show everyone how happy we are.” Harry says something, looking angry and uncomfortable, pulling away from her. But she just latches on tighter. I see the exchange betwene them, her face morphing into a more feirce one, as h=she says something into his ear that changes his expression.

“Aw, Harry, you’re so sweet. Ugh, I wish you guys knew how adorable he was, he says the cutest things. Now, just a little kiss. Come on, you know you want to.” She giggles, lacing her fingers into his hair, taking a step closer to him so their bodies are touching. I feel like i’m going to puke. I know exactly how it feels to be where she is right now. And the fact that she gets to experience it; the fact that anyone but me has experienced it, makes my eyes burn with unshed tears and my hands ball into fists, my nails digging into my palms and drawing blood.

And then, just when I thought this couldn’t get any worse.

It does.

She goes up on her tiptoes, smashing her heavily-glossed lips against his forcefully, pulling him down towards her, deepening the kiss. The crowd cheers and I finally break my gaze away from the stage, long enough to notice Liam, Niall, and a few other pairs of eyes watching me, sympathetic looks on all of their faces. I see Liam attempt to make his way over to me, but i can’t handle that right now.

“I need to get out of here.” I quickly say to Molly, pushing my way through the crowd, not wanting her to chase after me. But I know she will anyway.

“Anna! Wait!”

“Molly,really, I know you, and everyone else, just wants to help. I appreciate it, I really do. but I need to be alone. I can’t do this right now. I need to go home. Alone.” I look at her with pleading eyes, hoping she won’t argue.

“Okay. Yeah, alright. I understand. But just, be safe.” I smile meakly.

“I love you, Molls. You know that, right?”

“I know.” She hugs me tightly, eventually letting me go when an empty cab pulls up. I take it, giving him the only address I can. I have no where else to go but back ‘home’, if you can even call it that right now. I feel like I should go somewhere else, somewhere he won’t be and where there are no remnants of him or us, but I don’t have that option. So I drive to the house, pay the cab driver, go into my room, shut and lock the door, crawl into bed, and finally let myslef cry.

A lot.

* * *


After that pathetically transparent plan of attack from Carrie, all I want to do is get the hell out of this club. I didn’t want to come here in the first place, but Simon sent me a text saying to meet him here. it seemed strange, but apparently it was the grand opening or something so he was here for press. Little did I know, that was all part of Carrie’s plan to lure my here and get my to kiss her in front of the entire crowd.

And then, when I finally got offstage and saw the looks on my friend’s faces, I knew things were way worse than I thought they already were.

“She was HERE?!” I yell, not only because it’s hard to hear one another over the music, but because I feel like I need to scream and break something.

“I tried to tell you she was coming, but it was too late!” Liam yells into my ear.

“Well where the fuck did she go?!”

“I don’t know, I just saw her from across the room right before you got forced onstage. But then, she was just gone.”

“I need to go. I need to go Right. Now.” Liam nods. He knows better than to argue with me.

- -

I’m home in less than 30 minutes, a miracle considering the traffic surrounding the club. I open the front door to reveal and dark and quiet house. Everything is just the same as it was when I left. For a second, I’m worried that she isn’t even here. Maybe she packed her stuff and moved out without a word. But as I walk down the hall to both of our rooms, I notice a sliver of faint light from under her closed door. I take a few seconds to compose myself. I have no clue what I’m going to say to her, but I can’t wait any longer to talk about this.

I knock on the door, there’s no response. I knock again, still nothing. I try to turn the knob, but it’s locked.

“Anna? Baby, please, let me in.” I know she’s in there. I can hear her moving around the room.

“Please, please talk to me. I can explain everything. Just open the door, babe, I swear I’ll tell you the whole truth.” I’m fully prepared to grovel and beg and plead for as long as it takes. But suddenly, the door is thrown open and Anna is standing in front of me in those tiny pajama shorts that make me want to do unspeakable things to her. She also has on a little pink tank top, her hair falling messily over her shoulders. She isn’t wearing any makeup and I can see that her eyes are red and puffy. She’s been crying. The thought of how she’s feeling after what she saw breaks my heart and I instinctively reach out towards her.

“Don’t touch me, Harry.” her voice is quiet, and there isn’t a single trace of emotion in it. This scares me more than anything. “Just go to sleep.” She’s about to shut the door when I stop it with my foot.

“I don’t want to go to sleep, I want to talk to you.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. I’ve seen and dealt with as much as a person can in one night. I’m tired, I just want to be alone.”

“But you don’t understand!-”

“- And I don’t need to. I’m not your girlfriend. I haven’t been for a long time.She is. You don’t owe me any sort of explanation. You can live your life however you want. You made your choice, I’m just glad you did it now before it was too late. Because I could’ve fallen for you again, I really could have. But now, I know why I was holding off. Because deep down, I knew something like this could still happen. So, I guess you saved both of us a lot of drama.” It felt like she had just literally ripped my heart out of my chest. I stood there, motionless, stunned, as she shuts her door in my face, the sharp click of the lock making me flinch. The light behind her door turns off, signaling that she really is done with me.

But, the thing is, I am most definitely not done with her. I am going to fix this. I don’t care what it takes or what I have to do to have her trust me again, it’ll happen. because Anna Hollis is mine, she always has been and always will be. I’m done pretending like this thing betwen us is small or less significant than it is because I know she was hesitant. I can’t hold back anymore. So now, I just have to come up with a plan of my own.


hope you like this chapter! So so sorry it's taken forever; I graduated last week and my best friend flew in from Chicago and there were grad parties for three days straight and I haven't had a second to breathe until yesterday. Anyways, let me know what you think !!

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Are you okay? Your really scaring me!! You havent updated in like forever! Im really worried? Are you alright!?

Update!!! Im dying!!!

i just updated on my blog !!!!!!! notarealhipster.tumblr.com

im going to try and update it on here now but it's been glitchy so it might not work. but you can go read it there :)