My Heart Skips A Beat
The party was already in full swing when we arrived. Niall, Louis, and Zayn immediately make their way towards what resembled a bar, but was littered with cups and empty bottles, so it was almost unrecognizable. There were hoards of people everywhere we went and I quickly felt my stomach knot at the thought of getting caught in the middle of one of the crowds. I sometimes really really wished I wasn’t such a wimp about these kinds of things.
“You’ll be okay. I promise” I heard Harry whisper. The fact that he knew exactly what I was thinking brought a smile to my face. He took my hand and laced our fingers together as we made our way into the large backyard of the house where the party was being held. I had yet to see Connor, but didn’t expect to with the amount of people that were here.
“You want a drink?” Harry asked. I nodded, and he began pouring a few things into a cup and handing it to me. i took a sip.
“You trying to get me drunk, Styles?” He just laughed and took a sip of his own drink with a smirk on his face and raised eyebrows. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder, and turned around to see Conner. It was the first time I had seem him in anything other than his uniform and he looked…good. Was I allowed to say that? He wore a pair of searsucker shorts and a plain white button down. His blonde hair was still tousled, and his tan skin glowed in the early-evening light.
“You’re here!” He cheered, clearly a little tipsy, but not yet drunk.
“Of course!” I joked, smiling up at him.
“Come here! I want you to meet some people.” He said, grabbing my hand before I could say no. I turned around to see Harry talking to Niall, so hopefully he wouldn’t be too annoyed that I had been whisked away.
“So guys, this is Anna. Anna, this is Liv, Becca, Danny, and Hunter. They’re a bunch of my surf buddies.” I waved and made small talk with all of them.
“Is that, Harry Styles you’re with? And the other boys from one Direction?” One of the girls asked quietly to just me, eyeing where they stood by the bar.
“Uh, yeah. But just- don’t spread it around, okay? They’re trying to keep a low profile while we’re here.” I smiled, hoping I hadn’t come off mean. She just returned my smile with hers.
“Don’t worry, I think i’m probably the only person here who knows who they are. No offence! It’s just, not really these guy’s scene, you know? But i’m a closet fan.” I nodded and slid my finger over my lips as if I was zipping it shut, and tossing the key over my shoulder. She laughed.
“You’re Becca, right?” I asked, making sure I had gotten all of the names right.
“Yeah.” She was nice. She had friendly brown eyes and light brown hair that had that look like you just spent the day on the beach and your hair just NATURALLY looks that good. The worst part is, I’m pretty sure that was the case.
“You wanna meet the boys?” I asked. Her entire face lit up.
“Are you serious? I wouldn’t want to be, like, annoying, or imposing, or something!”
“Of course not!” I grabbed her by the arm and had to practically drag her over to where they all stood.
“Guys! This is Becca! She’s super nice so don’t be mean to her.” They all laughed and Becca was literally almost shaking.
“Hello, love! I’m Niall.” As if she didn’t already know, he pulled her in for a friendly hug, giggling at how nervous she was. She hugged the rest of the boys, and posed for a quick picture.
“Can I fix you a drink?” Niall asked her. Knowing him, it would be the strongest thing they had here. But when she gulped it, she seemed unfazed. Which caused Niall to do a double take, smiling at the girl in front of him. Maybe I had done the best thing for myself without even trying; gotten Niall’s attention away from Maria, and onto someone who didn’t make my skin crawl.
Or maybe, without even knowing it, I had just royally fucked myself over.
After introducing us to Becca, aka Niall with boobs, Anna was once again taken away by goddamn Connor. I would get flashes of her blonde hair from across the yard, laughing and joking with complete strangers. So, all I could do to pass the time was drink.
What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I so protective? This guy gave me no REAL reason for me to hate his guts. but yet, here I was, imagining him falling into the pool that he stood next to.
Shit, I was really messed up.
“Harry!” I heard a girl’s voice say. I turned my head to see Maria standing next to me. She was smiling and had her hand on my bicep.
“You wanna go see the beach?” She asked. I was a little dizzy and disoriented. Maybe the fresh air, away from all the people, was exactly what I needed. Without a word, I began walking with her, away from the party. I could smell the ocean, and eventually felt the sand beneath my bare feet. I wasn’t exactly sober, but I had straightened out just a bit thanks to the cool air.
“Having fun?” She asked, sitting down, so did I.
“Not exactly.” I grumbled.
“Because my girlfriend is spending the whole night with that tosser Connor. Who is this guy anyway?” I asked, just thinking out loud.
“Connor Dewey? Yeah, he’s kinda a tool. I guess he’s alright.”
“I beg to differ.” She giggled at my blunt response. Out of my peripheral vision I saw her flip her hair, pouting her lips at me. She was trying hard, too hard, but I wasn’t protesting. At least not yet. It’s not like I actually liked Maria. I guess I was just cynical after seeing Connor and Anna joking around, throwing roasted marshmallows at each other, her laugh echoing in my ears. I had seen him lift her up, throwing her over his shoulder. That had done me in, it had bene then that I decided to just get completely bladdered. I couldn’t exactly ‘forbid’ her to hang out with him while we’re here, so it was pretty much the only thing I had any control over at the moment.
“Are you happy with her?” She asked. I was surprised by her forwardness.
“With Anna? Of course I am. It’s just- hard. She’s really…friendly. And she likes to believe the best in people. And those are some of the things I love the most about her. But it’s also the things that could get her hurt. She never realizes when people are just using her, or when guys like him-” I stopped myself, wondering why I was telling her all of this.
“So you really are happy with her?” She asked again, her hand falling onto my knee, moving about an inch upward. But I didn’t move.
I still didn’t.
Why wasn’t I moving?
I felt her lips touch my neck and I suddenly realized what was going on.
“Oh, No. No no no no no no no. This is not happening right now.” I quickly stood up, brushing the sand off my ass and attempting to walk back to the party.
“Harry, come on, you know you want to.” I heard Maria say. I turned around and she was standing up too now, a hand on her hip.
“No. No I don’t. I have a girlfriend, who I love. I don’t want this. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.”
I heard her sigh as I walked away, wanting nothing more than to get the hell out of here.
“I don’t give up that easily.” I heard her say faintly as I quickly made my way back to the party.
I was feeling annoyed, and that only escalated when I walked back towards the party and saw Anna and Connor sitting extremely close on one of the benches surrounding the large bonfire. He had his hand dangerously close to her ass and was talking to her, his face only an inch or two away from hers. She was smiling, her eyes glittering from the light of the fire. The entire scene disgusted me and I felt like I was going to puke.
I just needed to get the hell out of here.
“-And then this massive wave just murdered me. Like, I didn’t stand a fucking chance. It was brutal man.” Conner was nice, and his friends were nice. But all the surf talk was getting more than a little boring. For the past few minutes I had been scanning the party, trying to find Harry and was still unsuccessful. Finally, I saw him hastily walking from the beach, ruffling his hair and staring at the ground. I quickly made my way over to him.
“Hey, you okay?” I asked, touching his shoulder. He seemed jumpy, spinning around.
“Uh, yeah. I’m fine.” He said, snipping at me. I was surprised by his response.
“What’s going on with you?”
“What? No, of course not! Anna-”
“I know, I know, I was kidding.”
“Oh…” He took a deep breath. “You wanna get out of here?” He suddenly asked, his brows knitting together.
“I mean… shouldn’t we stay for a little longer? To be polite?” I knew it was the wrong thing to say the moment I said it. his face turned cold and he crossed his arms over his chest.
“Fine, you stay. I don’t really feel like waiting around for you to be finished hanging out with that guy. I’ll see you when you get back.”
And with that, he stormed off in the opposite direction.
Harry was clearly sensitive about the Connor thing, I had no clue why. But I decided to just let him cool off for a little, rather than following him right now.
I was distracted with my own thoughts for the rest of the night. Finally, Niall seemed content to leave and I couldn’t be more eager.
“You’re leaving already?! It’s still early!” Connor said, his arm flopping heavily around my shoulder, the scent of alcohol on his breath.
“Yeah, i’m pretty tired. But uh, see you around, okay?” I said, wiggling out of his grasp and running to catch up with everyone else.
“Wait, where’s Harry?” Louis asked.
“Um, he-left, earlier.” I said quietly. i guess by my tone, he knew it would be best not to ask too many questions.
“Wait, what about Maria?” Niall asked
And then, I did something that turned me into the type of person that I never ever wanted to become. A complete and total bitch.
“She told us to leave without her, she has a ride.” I said, not having a clue where the side of me came from. I wasn’t this person. Yet, here I was.
“Oh, alright.” He nodded, having absolutely no reason to doubt me. I had never given anyone a reason.
Thankfully, I had brought a key, so i didn’t have to knock on the door and get Harry even more angry than he already was. But I realized, after opening the door and walking into the bedroom as quietly as possible, that the room was empty. He wasn’t even here.
I should be scared, or worried, or going out to look for him. but Harry was a big boy, He could take care of himself just for tonight. I knew that he could take care of himself. At least, I tried to convince myself of that as I pulled off my dress and changed into my pajamas, getting into bed alone, and trying to calm my nagging thoughts.
I’m not sure what time it was, or how long I had been asleep. But I woke up to the sound of someone fumbling through our room, cursing as they hit the coffee table.
“Shit! Fuck!” I heard.
He was drunk. Great.
I didn’t move, but listened carefully. He made his way from the door to the bathroom, I heard him turn the sink on. I think I heard him undressing, throwing his clothes aimlessly onto the bathroom floor. And then, I most definitely heard him puke, hopefully into the sink, or the toilet, or the trashcan. Anywhere but the floor.
I still didn’t move, not wanting him to know that I was awake. I’m not sure why. I was still kinda mad at him. Why had he blown up at me earlier? What had happened right before then? Where had he been for that period of time I couldn’t find him? I knew there was something more to this, I just didn’t know what it was.
I don’t know what happened with Harry after that. I allowed myself to fall asleep, trying to drown out everything else. And even though my heart was pulling towards him, my head kept me grounded.
I woke up to find Harry sprawled out on the couch in only his boxers, his head buried under a pillow. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with the drama, so I left a note saying I was going out shopping with the girls and i would be back later.
“Okay, so what the hell happened last night?” Eleanor asked as we lazily walked through little boutiques filled with gorgeous jewelry and flowy dresses and skirts.
“Don’t really wanna talk about it.” I grumbled, sliding a bangle onto my wrist and twirling it aimlessly.
“Oh, for shit’s sake!” Danielle said, throwing her arms in the air “You’re not getting away with this one. It’s obvious you’re in your own world. Tell us why.” I didn’t want to admit to them what was really going on, or what I had done at the end of last night. But they saw through me as always.
“It’s just, Harry. He’s getting really pissed about this Connor thing. It’s seriously not a big deal at all but he can’t see that and I don’t know what to do! It’s like, a week, and then i’ll never see this guy ever again but he’s so annoyed about it. He’s never done anything wrong so why the hell does he hate him so much!”
Both girls looked at each other and then at me.
“What, do you think he’s right?!”
“Do I think he’s right for throwing a temper tantrum, getting drunk, and giving you the silent treatment? No. Do I think you and Connor were a little close last night? Maybe. But you know i’m only telling you this because I care!” I nodded, letting her know it wasn’t her I was angry at.
“I didn’t even realize…” I said to myself, thinking back to last night. Everything seemed perfectly friendly to me. Was I naive or something?
“Shit…Maybe you’re right.” I said, thinking back to how we had sat next to each other on that bench last night, how he had been talking to me and smiling and…flirting? Wow, I really was delusional.
“I should go talk to him, right?” Eleanor smiled and I took that as a yes.
I woke up on the couch to a massive headache and very little recollection of what had happened after I had left the party last night.
Anna had left a note that I found after puking (again) into the toilet and showering.
went shopping with el and dani, be back later.
She was angry with me. That much I was sure of.
It was another perfectly beautiful day in Hawaii, which completely contrasted with my mood. I pulled on a pair of swim trunks and a t shirt, shielding my bloodshot eyes from the blaring sun with my Ray Bans, and went on a search for some tea and dry toast. It was my usual hungover-and-regretting-the-night-before breakfast.
I hadn’t had it in a while.
“Harry Styles.” A female’s voice drawled out as I sat alone at a table on the porch for breakfast. I had hoped that the sunglasses on, head down, table for one with no extra seat would have tipped people off not to bother me. No such luck.I looked up to see Maria looking down at me.
“What do you want?” I really wasn’t up for this…
“Where’s your girl? Thought you two were hopelessly in love.” She said it with a scoff to her voice that really pissed me off, but I didn’t say anything in response. I couldn’t be bothered.
“You want some company?” She asked, leaning against the side of my table.
“No thanks.” I started back down at my tea, willing her to just walk away and leave me the hell alone.
“Oh, come on! Look, sorry I tried to kiss you! Is that what you want to hear?! But stop being such a girl and feeling sorry for yourself because your girlfriend is such a bitch. You know she left me stranded at that party last night?” At this I looked up.
“She’s not a bi-”
“Save the knight in shining armour bullshit, mmkay? And even though you’re not going to believe me over her any day of the week, it’s true. Niall told me this morning. She told him I had a ride home when they all left. I didn’t and she knew that. I had to pay some random guy $50 to take me home.” I didn’t know if what she was saying was true or not. Was she just trying to get a rise out of me? I could never see Anna doing something like that. “I just really don’t get why you’re so damn obsessed with her. It’s not like she’s returning the favor. I mean, you go on vacation with your girlfriend and suddenly she’s spending all night cuddled up with some other guy?”
“What do you mean? Did you see her? And him? Were they-” I couldn’t finish my question. It made me feel sick.
She just smirked. “What do you think?”
I rubbed my temples, begging my headache to go away.
“So, wanna get a drink?” Maria asked.
And for some reason or another, I agreed.
The more I thought about last night, the more I realized what everyone was talking about. Like, I don’t want to seem, i don’t know, cocky? But it did kinda seem like Connor had been flirting a little. And without even knowing it, I think I might’ve been flirting back. But I didn’t mean to! I swear! I just, was having fun, with someone I thought was a friend! And now because of that ‘friend’ i’ve screwed things up with the person who means the most to me in the entire world.
I got back to the hotel and went straight to our room, which was empty. My note lay crumpled on the floor. For some reason, that hurt more than it probably should.
I called Liam, Zayn, Niall, and Louis. Only Liam answered, telling me they hadn’t seen Harry. They were all on a boat they had rented from the hotel. So, they were going to be absolutely no help whatsoever.
I walked to the main pool where we had spent most of our days here. I had tried calling him three times, all went to voicemail. He was ignoring me, I knew it. But everything was just a huge mistake, a misunderstanding. This vacation was supposed to be a time for us to just have fun together and to relax, and so far it had been everything but.Suddenly, I spotted him. His tall frame was leaning against the bar; sunglasses on, his hair extra tousled.
“Harry!” I called, not wanting to draw too much attention to either of us. He didn’t hear me. I sped up my pace, hoping he would see me.
“Harry!” I said again, he still didn’t notice.
That, was when I saw her.
They were together. She was handing him a drink, resting her hand on his arm, laughing with him, standing close to him, joking with him. And he seemed completely content with it all. I was still a few yards away, and the area was heavily populated so he still didn’t see me. I just stared at the two of them, laughing and talking and acting as if he didn’t have a care in the world.