Through The Dark(Niall Horan)
I would be lying if I said things with Niall were easy. Living with someone you love so much and having them not remember a thing about you, sucks. He's been trying, I know, but it's still really hard. Between taking care of Niall and taking care of Em, me and Maura were barely taking care of ourselves. I hadn't slept in the same bed as Niall in weeks, hell, I have barely slept at all in weeks.
Even when I get a minute to myself, I can't shut my brain off. What if Niall never remembers those years? What if he doesn't remember our friendship, our relationship, and the beginning of our daughters life? What if he doesn't love me anymore? Could I live with that? Could I just move on and let him live his life without me? I don't think I'm strong enough for that.
I was snapped out of my thoughts by Emery's cries. I tossed the blankets off of me and got up, heading to her nursery. I noticed her cries had stopped and when I rounded the corner I noticed Niall was standing there holding her, humming a lullaby. A small smile crept across my face as he turned around to see me.
“Hey there, mummy.” He smiled.
“What're you doing up here? I mean, I'm fine with it I just...your ribs...how did you get up the stairs?” I stuttered, half asleep, trying to get my thoughts together.
“I was already up here when she started crying...I was coming to talk to you. Couldn't sleep.” He turned to go sit down in the rocker.
I nodded a bit. “You really shouldn't be walking without one of us to help you. If you fell...”
“Don't worry about me, Teagan. I'm okay.” Niall kissed Emery's head. “Besides, I'm her father, I should be able to comfort her too, shouldn't I?”
“Well of course! I'm not upset I was just surprised to see you..I almost thought you remembered..” The last part fell to a whisper.
Niall's smile faded. “I'm sorry.” He sighed. “I wish I could remember.”
“You don't have to apologize, Niall.” I walked over to the rocker and sat on the arm. “It's not your fault you can't remember.”
“What if it is?” Niall whispered, almost to low for me to hear him.
“What?” I questioned him.
“What if it is my fault I don't remember? What if some part of me doesn't want me to remember?” He looked at me, his eyes watering.
I was speechless, I didn't know what to say to him. What if some part of him didn't want to remember? He was blocking off his own memory, but why? What was so bad about his life that he didn't want to remember it? Me?
Niall put his hand on my thigh, squeezing it. “I didn't mean to upset you. I just don't know what else I can do to get my memory back.”
I put my hand over his. “We'll work on it, together. It will come back. I know it will.” I squeezed his hand. “We're a team Niall. Whether you remember or not. I will always be by your side, just like you were for me. We've been through so much, this is just another bump in the road.” I gave him a small smile, as Emery moved in his arms. “We're a family.” I reminded myself. “We'll be okay.”
We sat in silence for awhile, watching Emery sleep in Niall's arms. She was starting to look more and more like Niall, at least in my opinion. She really was the most perfect thing I could ever imagine. It was amazing to watch her grow every day. It was even more amazing to know that we had created her. Such a beautiful little girl.
I leaned down and kissed her head. “So...you came up here to talk earlier?” I asked.
Niall nodded. “Yeah..um..maybe we should put her back to bed and go talk somewhere else?”
“We can to our room.” I smiled a bit, taking Emery from him and laying her back in her bed. “Goodnight, baby girl.”
Niall stood up and followed me to our room. He stopped to look at the pictures I had put up of us on our dresser. Some of the pregnancy photos, which were of him holding my pregnant belly or kissing it. A few were of just us, laughing and smiling.
“That one is my favorite.” I smiled, standing next to him and pointing at the photo of me and him in New York right after we started dating. “This was from our first official date...” I smiled more thinking about it. “You kept trying to take me on some super fancy date but I refused, so you, me, Alis and Harry just walked around the city. You stole my ice cream, so I jumped on your back and tried to tackle you..that's when Harry snapped this.” I ran my fingers over the photograph.
“We look happy.” Niall commented.
“We were.” I smiled a bit before turning and going to sit on the bed.
Niall followed, sitting but staying silent. “Do you feel anything for me, at all?” I finally asked him.
“What do you mean?” Niall asked.
“When you see me, do you feel anything, at all? Like, love, or familiarity, anything? Or is it all just...gone.”
He was silent for a minute before he spoke. “I don't know how to describe it, honestly. It's like when I see you, I feel this instant spark, I just don't know why. It's almost as if my heart remembers you, but my brain doesn't.” He sighed. “I don't know what I feel about anyone anymore. I'm sorry.”
“You don't have to apologize, I shouldn't of asked.” I gave him a small smile. “What did you want to talk to me about?” I changed the subject.
“I was just wondering if you could tell me some more stories or something, to try and help me remember.”
I nodded, laying back on the bed. “I will tell you whatever you want to know, Niall.”
Hiya! I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to update! I've been really busy with work and birthdays and having my debit card information stolen and just stressing out about a LOT of things I just didn't have time to write. I also wasn't sure what I was doing with this chapter so I just kind of wrote it.
I hope it doesn't suck haha
Don't worry, Niall will remember soon. :)
ALSO! When I posted the last chapter I was close to 14 thousand views and now I'm almost to 17 thousand. That is INCREDIBLE. I love you all. Thank you so so so so much.
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