Through The Dark(Niall Horan)
The doctor confirmed that Niall was suffering from a form of amnesia, we just didn't know how serious it was. It could last a few days, or years. It was all up to Niall and whether he was willing to open the door with the last three, four years was stored in.
We explained to Niall that he was in an accident, and that he didn't remember certain things. I told him that we've been dating for almost a year now, and that we have a baby together. He was skeptical at first, but when we showed him the date, and pictures he believed. I could tell he was upset that he didn't remember anything about me, or the baby.
Today Niall was coming home with me, the baby and his mum. Maura offered to stay with us to make him feel more comfortable, which we all agreed would be best. We were all struggling in different ways to deal with what had happened to Niall, but hopefully we would be able to get through this as a family.
I was waiting at home with Emery for Maura and Niall to return from the hospital. I heard the car pull up and stop and went out to help Niall into the house. It was still hard for him to walk with a few broken ribs. We got him to the sofa and made sure he was comfortable.
“Do you need anything else?” I asked.
Niall shook his head. “No, I'm okay. Thanks.” He smiled a bit before turning away from me.
I sighed, he had been so distant with me. I wasn't used to this. I understood it, obviously. I just wished it wasn't like this. I wanted to be able to kiss his face and cuddle with him and watch tv and take care of our baby, together. I wanted to be able to make him feel the way he made me feel. I just wanted him to remember that he loved me, and I loved him.
“Teagan?” He asked, causing me to turn.
“Yes, Niall?” I smiled.
“Do you think I could um, hold Emery?” He asked, slightly nervous.
My smile grew bigger. “Of course you can.” I walked over to her swing and picked her up, bringing her over and putting her in his arms. “I know you don't remember, but you love this little girl more than anything. When you found out I was pregnant, you were scared shitless, but you had no doubt you were going to be there for us. You're a great father Niall.” I did my best to choke back my tears as he held Emery in his arms.
Niall held her close to his chest, not saying a word, just admiring his daughter. “She's beautiful.” He smiled up at me. “She looks a lot like you, Teagan.”
I sat down on the arm of the sofa, next to him. “She has your eyes though, and your hair.” I bent down and kissed her head.
Niall smiled. “You're a really good mum, from what I've seen.” He kissed Emery's head. “I'll remember you one day, precious girl.”
I could feel my heart breaking, or swelling. One of the two. I know it was hurting him that he didn't remember anything, but it was also nice to see him still trying to be a father.
“You will.” I squeezed his shoulder. “You're going to remember all of it. I'm sure of it.” I really did have hope that Niall would remember again, I just wished it was sooner rather than later.
Here I was, looking down at my beautiful baby girl that I didn't remember. She was so small, so innocent. I knew in my heart she was mine, but I still didn't remember a thing about Teagan being pregnant, or giving birth or anything. I only remember meeting Teagan in the park. I remember thinking she was absolutely stunning and that I had to know her, but that's it.
Everything else is foggy. It's almost as if I'm trying to remember, or I know I've seen something before, but I just can't figure it out. The doctor said the blow to my head was pretty bad and that I could be like this forever. I hoped to God I wasn't like this forever. I would be missing a chunk of my life, a chunk of me. I would have to fall in love with Teagan all over again. I would have to learn my bands songs all over again. It was almost too much to think about.
Emery had started to fuss in my arms and I didn't know what to do. I handed her back to Teagan who seemed to calm her down quickly before going off to get her a bottle. I couldn't even stop my own daughters screams. I didn't know which cry meant hungry, which meant tired, which meant dirty diaper, or which meant she just wanted to be held.
Too many things were missing. I had to do everything I could to remember again. I could see this was so hard on Teagan, and I wasn't making it any easier. I didn't know how to open up to her, I didn't remember her.
My mum was the only thing that was the same here. I looked over at her while Teagan was off with the baby. “How do I remember?” I asked, lowly.
“I don't know, dear. You have to do it on your own.” She sighed, rubbing my hand.
“I don't know how!” I sighed in frustration.
“You will.” She smiled a bit. “You have a wonderful family here, Niall. You just have to relax and let it all come back to you. Teagan, your daughter. Everything will come back to you, you just have to let go and let it.” She leaned over and kissed my head. “You will be fine.” and with that she walked away.
I rubbed my temples, letting my mums advice set in. I didn't know how to just let myself remember again, but I was going to try. I was going to try for my family. If I wasn't going to get better for me, I needed to get better for my daughter, Emery. I needed to remember being so in love with her mother, I needed to remember the pregnancy, the birth. I needed to remember it all, for her. She was going to ask me questions one day, and I needed to have the answers.
I'm not fond of this chapter, but I posted it anyways.
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