Does he know?

"Excuse me I have to go to the bathroom”, I said to miss. Stinson and ran upstairs to our room. I saw Zayn standing next to his bed with all his stuff packed and tears streaming down his face. I immediately started crying out loud. I knew he was about to tell me something that wasn't good at all.

“I .. I can’t take this anymore” he snuffled. I hugged him which resulted in the two of us crying in each others arms on his bed. My mind was spinning while I sat with him. I squeezed him into myself, trying to gather my thoughts. I already knew I would miss him tonight. His arms around mine, his smile and cute stories he would tell if I couldn't sleep.


“Why are you leaving?” I looked at his brown puppy eyes. A tear slipped down is cheek.

“Annabelle." He sighted.. "It's for the best".


“NO! It can't be for the best. This is your future Zayn. You've told me so many times how happy you are for getting the chance to live out your dream. Please don’t leave Zayn”. The words fumbled out of my mouth, the lump in my throat got bigger by every second. I couldn't believe this was happening!

“I get affected by bad people here. I have to go home and clear my mind. I feel so bad about everything. About me and Haz and our fights.This is not me. I need to go home” He cried. I couldn’t stand this. I had never seen him so devastated.

“ What about the music Zayn, your dreams? This is just a bad period it will get better" I tried to comfort him. I removed the slipping tears with my finger and a little smile was formed on his face. I loved the fact that he wasn't shy about showing his emotions. He was a real man.

“Listen. I’m from Bradford. When you look at me you probably think that I’m the biggest gangster in the world or something. I’m not. I have never fought with anyone. Not even my sisters x’es. I fought with Harry because of a girl. Because of you. I can’t believe it. I love you all but as long as I'm this sad I can't focus on the music. I'll come back when I feel ready to. It's not the end of the world I promise. Stay strong for me.. And I still believe in my dreams and I’ll still reach them but right now I have to go home and fix things. I need to recover”, he sniffled between every word but he spoke the truth. If he wanted this then I would not be the one who was going to stop him. It was just heartbreaking to think about that he had felt so bad for so long without me noticing it.
Every word he told me hurt me so badly. I felt like a shitty friend. Every single thing and feeling I had told him about Harry crossed my mind. I had filled him with my crappy shit- life not realizing that his was crappy aswell. Because of me. I felt so guilty. Every tear burned my cheek. I felt like the worst person on earth. I cried because of everything; because my soul mate was leaving, because my best friend was sad, because my best friend had changed in a bad way because of me. He needed to recover, because of me. It was my entire fault. I had ruined everything. His friendship, his behavior, school, every fucking thing. I kept crying out loud like a little baby not knowing how to stop.

Zayn then took my hand and placed it on his chest right where his heart was. "You feel this? You do this to me everytime you're around. But when you're sad my heart beats even faster. So please stay strong Annabelle I know you're very sensetive but don't let it ruin your school or mood" he said with a smile on his face. His heartbeat was crazy. Did I really have such an impact on him? Wow I didnt know a person could love me this much.

"I'm really sorry for everything. For not noticing how bad you felt. I haven't been there for you like a best friend normally is. I really love you keep that in mind Zayn".


“ You don't have to feel sorry for anything. I’ll be back before you know it. This is not the end of the world. I’m going to be okay”, he said with a serious tone. I looked at his absolute big eyes. I caressed his black eye and kissed him on the cheek .

“You’re the best and you deserve the best”, he looked intensely at me like he wanted to kiss me. I got goosebumps all over my body. He then got up from the bed and asked me to walk him out.
He stood in front of the door with a bag around his shoulder. “Call me as soon as you get home and update me about everything”, I said sounding optimistic even though my heart was torn into pieces. " Of course love. I promise you won't even feel like i'm gone. I love you, stay strong for me. For us”, he said and hugged me tightly before walking out of our room.

“Love you”, I mouth whispered as he walked down the hallway.

I closed the door and sat on his bed. There was one thing left; his teddy he slept with. Guess he left it for me.. I couldn’t stop myself from crying out loud while squeezing the teddy feeling so alone.

Notes