Fanfiction 101
Teenage Dirtbag
(6) At first, I was thinking why the fuck would a story with a hell of a lot of votes and subscribers want me to review their story? Now, before fans of this story bitch at me for giving it a 6, allow me to give my reasons.
Your story was well-written in a way that it had a nice flowing plot, but this plot has been used so many times. Bad boy bullies nerd girl. He starts to develop feelings for her. They fall in love, blah, blah, blah...Your prologue was good though, better than many of the stories I've reviewed so far, but your chapters are really short as well as your paragraphs. Paragraphs aren't necessarily 5-7 sentences like we've been taught in school, but that doesn't mean you should start a new paragraph after every sentence.
Another problem I had with your story is the amount of words that were spelled wrong. The one word I could not stand the most was when he calls her "angle". I'm just like screaming in my head "IT'S ANGEL! NOT ANGLE!" Then, there was the amount the numerous amount of wrong verb tense.
Sometimes the verbs don't match up: "I liked the way he calls me 'babe'..." (Chapter 28) Either both verbs have to be past tense (liked/called) or present tense (like/calls).
Other times you don't use subject-verb agreement (if you don't know what that is, I don't know what to say...): "And I'll always do" (Chapter 28) This sentence either needs to be 'And I always will' or 'And I always did'.
Though your story has many 'flaws', I'm still curious to see what happens next. I just hope you do some serious editing before you post and make sure everything sounds right as well. If it doesn't make sense to you, it won't make sense to your readers.
If you find your review to be disappointing, I cannot honestly tell you that I’m sorry. Do not let what I say in any way discourage you from writing or anything for that matter. I am just one person with strongly opinionated views on everything. If I made it clear that I strongly dislike your story, do not think that other people won’t enjoy it. There are many other readers with different views than me who will find interest in your story where I may not have. I hope you do take something out of this and improve on and continue your writing, but if you don’t, that’s fine too.
@That_clifford_girl
Hi! I don't normally do this but I'm just gonna get right on it.
It's in my knowledge that this author isn't coming back. Which means your review isn't coming. But! I recently started up a review store so if you're interested you can link your story there.
All you have to do is click my name and follow the form. :-)
12/31/16