Fanfiction 101
Good Girl or so you think
(7) The first chapter was a bit direct, telling pretty much a whole summary of her life before now. I'm not a big fan of direct context and think it would be much better to have let the story unfold and make some things happen in a reaction to her maybe telling someone about it. (Sorry if that's confusing; I couldn't think of the right words).
Your spelling and punctuation is good except for a few things here and there, but everyone makes mistakes. I like how you have paragraphs, but it can be a bit hard to see them. I would suggest a whole line between them to show contrast and make them more clear
Ex:
This is the first sentence to my paragraph. I'm writing another sentence. This sentence has seven words in it. And there I sat, adding yet another sentence to this paragraph. Plot twist: this is another sentence.
Note how there is a blank line^ separating these two paragraphs. Two paragraphs in and I've run out of bad examples to write. Sentences are made with words. I hope this helps because this is the end of my example.
The plot line is okay. I'm kind of done with the whole "gang" thing. Everyone seems to be writing about gangs these days... However, I like your story. It's a bit different from the rest. The only thing I'm still not sure about is how he doesn't recognize if all she does is take her glasses off.
Corrections You Should Make:
-Your title needs to be capitalized all the way through: Good Girl or So You Think
-The last sentence of your summary is a question, so you should use a question mark: Will anyone find out her secret, or will it forever be hidden?
If you find your review to be disappointing, I cannot honestly tell you that I’m sorry. Do not let what I say in any way discourage you from writing or anything for that matter. I am just one person with strongly opinionated views on everything. If I made it clear that I strongly dislike your story, do not think that other people won’t enjoy it. There are many other readers with different views than me who will find interest in your story where I may not have. I hope you do take something out of this and improve on and continue your writing, but if you don’t, that’s fine too.
Notes
That last part I've decided to add to the end of ALL reviews. If you do happen to get a good review, I'm still going to add it on just to be fair.
@That_clifford_girl
Hi! I don't normally do this but I'm just gonna get right on it.
It's in my knowledge that this author isn't coming back. Which means your review isn't coming. But! I recently started up a review store so if you're interested you can link your story there.
All you have to do is click my name and follow the form. :-)
12/31/16