I Wish U Were Here
chapter one- sams blog
(Samantha's P.O.V)
Not everything is what it seems. Sometimes one must dig deeper in order to find the treasure. However thats never happened to me. People only look at whats on the outside and settle with second best. They dont want to know the wonders that my treasures hold. They dont want to know me…
Sure its easier just to accept that fact and i have for so long. But there will always be days where i sit here on my bed looking out to the stars wondering why.
Why must everything be so complicated. I mean it cant be that hard to step into the light and show off who i am but tue fact of the matter is that im afraid. Im afraid to fall and knowing that theres no one there to catch me makes it 100x worse.
I feel happy and i am happy. I smile. I laugh. I have fun. But theres something missing. There is always something missing. A void. An empty space that can only be filled by another. In all of my 18years of life i have had only one boyfriend and that …was in kindergarten.
Mum used to tell me that we had a fake wedding and everything. Now i look back at it as an embarrasing memory. I have people confess but i was afraid and too young to understand. Now it all seems a little to late.
On top of that i have a music assignment due tomorrow.and havent done a single.thing!!!!! argh i.dont want it to sound to.good.or they'll see. Ive tried everything to hide my talwnts but lately.its geting harder to.supress them. I wanna play music, i wanna go to university, i wanna be a vet. I want and can do so many things, but with talent comes jealousy ans with jealousy comes bullying.
Trust me im never gonna go.through that trauma again. Are u confused? well let me explain…it happened in my first year in highschool.
I was alone. A little fish in a very big pond. I had gone to a school were none of my friend from primary school would attend. I was on my own. But i managed to make friends easily and within a couple of.months i knew nearly the whole.seventh grade whixh consisted of 800 kids.
Anyway i was having the tine of my life until it came to the end of the year. I was told i was going to move schools over the chrostmas hokidays at that the last few days of school.with my new friends were my last. I remeber being so upset. I call all my friends and we had a big fight with my oarents about it but to no avail. Giving up o. Fighting my parentes I decided i wanted to do something to make my friends remeber me for who i really was and show them what i could really.acheive.
Lucky for me the school was hosting a talent show on my last week of school. Obviously i wrote my name down but kept my preformance a secret from everyone. Not even my parents knew about my sign up. For hours i practised my song on the guitar and for hours i worked on my lyrics and singing the right tune. so when it came to preformance night i was ready. I sat with my friends nervous about my preformance. I didnt realise it then but not once had they noticed my absence from the multipule recess and lunches or my nervousness that night.
If only i knew then… when my name was called out to preform all of my friends faces turned into poisonous shock. I jsut smiled and preformed. I was given a.standing ovation from everyone but my friends. They say there rolling their eyes and shaking their heads..confused i walked over to them asking how they thought of my preformance. Suddenly they turned on me. Pushing against tue wall yelling at me. Shouting things like 'your just a show off' , 'we thought u were our friend'. 'That was pathetic and you are.toned.deaf' and 'so u think ur better than ua now!' I stood there shaking, i just didnt get it. Didnt they listen, i was singing to them. This was all for them. I tried.to.explain to them these tthoguhts but instead i was left on the floor. My hair had been pulled, my skin was covered in scratches and one of.them.even kicked me before walking away.
My older brother found me curled up in the corner crying. Shealtering me he took me.home and snuck me into my room to hide wreck i was from my parents. The 'i told u so' lecture was.what i.dreaded from my mother lucky for.me i didnt get it. A few days later i was sent horrible emailes calling me a slut and a diva and that i should go jump off a cliff. I got phone calls from guys u didnt even.know wanting sex or a.nude pic. I was terrified of the outside world. I became a reclusive. I locked myself away from the world.
When it came time to start my knew school my brother had to convice me to leave my room. I took hold of his advice. I was now back at square one and determined to pick myself up off the ground, dust myself.off and stand tall. My brother was right. No one knew me here. It.was a clean slate. A.new.page of an unfinnshed book.
After a year of finding my feet in the new social heirarchy, i found Ashleigh. My best friend. She knows everything about my past, my present and what i want in the future. She knows the pain and tourment id been through. Shed seen it. The girls from my old school came on a sports gala day to my school. I spent the whole day hiding and even telling everyone to call me by another name so they would think i was just a look alike. Ahsleigh has shown me that not all people are like them. Shes shown me true friendship. Even tho we are complete opposites. Shes a popular beauty queen whos.everyones beach bave whereas im the secretive, tomboy chick whos kinda average but she doesnt seem to care.
its been four years since i met Ash and im glad that i did. However im starting to think she knows too much.
You see when she found out about my talents for music and drama and my talent and intrest in animals and their care she began to try and push me into showing them off again. She would sign me up to talent shows, competitions, musicals even place resumes at local.zoos and animals parks. All of which i sincerly declined offers form.
But i kniw shes just trying to help. Like i helo her with her boy issues.
Urgh dont even get me started on boys. The girl can attract all sorts of crazy into hetr life. Its my job to filter the bad crazy and advise her on her options. At least that whats she tells me.
Aftwr meeting Ash, Vanessa, Danielle, Perroe and Elenor came soon after. Our group grows everyday with additions from theor boyfriends. We r an odd group but we all get eachother. Im thier support and they are mine.
So thats been my story.for.the last 6years. Give or take a few.moments. i hope it explains a little for u guys to understand me a bit more.
Yes im a complicated chick but nothings ever easy, so just go with it.
Anway im signing off for.tonight. i still have this assignment to do and its already 1am in the morning. Aussie time for thoes around the world ;). So wish me luck!!
peach out little blogger rockers
Iill see u all soon
Sam :)
P.S
Im still looking for someone to fill this void in my life. All my.friends have someone now i thunk its my turn…dont u thinj?
Not everything is what it seems. Sometimes one must dig deeper in order to find the treasure. However thats never happened to me. People only look at whats on the outside and settle with second best. They dont want to know the wonders that my treasures hold. They dont want to know me…
Sure its easier just to accept that fact and i have for so long. But there will always be days where i sit here on my bed looking out to the stars wondering why.
Why must everything be so complicated. I mean it cant be that hard to step into the light and show off who i am but tue fact of the matter is that im afraid. Im afraid to fall and knowing that theres no one there to catch me makes it 100x worse.
I feel happy and i am happy. I smile. I laugh. I have fun. But theres something missing. There is always something missing. A void. An empty space that can only be filled by another. In all of my 18years of life i have had only one boyfriend and that …was in kindergarten.
Mum used to tell me that we had a fake wedding and everything. Now i look back at it as an embarrasing memory. I have people confess but i was afraid and too young to understand. Now it all seems a little to late.
On top of that i have a music assignment due tomorrow.and havent done a single.thing!!!!! argh i.dont want it to sound to.good.or they'll see. Ive tried everything to hide my talwnts but lately.its geting harder to.supress them. I wanna play music, i wanna go to university, i wanna be a vet. I want and can do so many things, but with talent comes jealousy ans with jealousy comes bullying.
Trust me im never gonna go.through that trauma again. Are u confused? well let me explain…it happened in my first year in highschool.
I was alone. A little fish in a very big pond. I had gone to a school were none of my friend from primary school would attend. I was on my own. But i managed to make friends easily and within a couple of.months i knew nearly the whole.seventh grade whixh consisted of 800 kids.
Anyway i was having the tine of my life until it came to the end of the year. I was told i was going to move schools over the chrostmas hokidays at that the last few days of school.with my new friends were my last. I remeber being so upset. I call all my friends and we had a big fight with my oarents about it but to no avail. Giving up o. Fighting my parentes I decided i wanted to do something to make my friends remeber me for who i really was and show them what i could really.acheive.
Lucky for me the school was hosting a talent show on my last week of school. Obviously i wrote my name down but kept my preformance a secret from everyone. Not even my parents knew about my sign up. For hours i practised my song on the guitar and for hours i worked on my lyrics and singing the right tune. so when it came to preformance night i was ready. I sat with my friends nervous about my preformance. I didnt realise it then but not once had they noticed my absence from the multipule recess and lunches or my nervousness that night.
If only i knew then… when my name was called out to preform all of my friends faces turned into poisonous shock. I jsut smiled and preformed. I was given a.standing ovation from everyone but my friends. They say there rolling their eyes and shaking their heads..confused i walked over to them asking how they thought of my preformance. Suddenly they turned on me. Pushing against tue wall yelling at me. Shouting things like 'your just a show off' , 'we thought u were our friend'. 'That was pathetic and you are.toned.deaf' and 'so u think ur better than ua now!' I stood there shaking, i just didnt get it. Didnt they listen, i was singing to them. This was all for them. I tried.to.explain to them these tthoguhts but instead i was left on the floor. My hair had been pulled, my skin was covered in scratches and one of.them.even kicked me before walking away.
My older brother found me curled up in the corner crying. Shealtering me he took me.home and snuck me into my room to hide wreck i was from my parents. The 'i told u so' lecture was.what i.dreaded from my mother lucky for.me i didnt get it. A few days later i was sent horrible emailes calling me a slut and a diva and that i should go jump off a cliff. I got phone calls from guys u didnt even.know wanting sex or a.nude pic. I was terrified of the outside world. I became a reclusive. I locked myself away from the world.
When it came time to start my knew school my brother had to convice me to leave my room. I took hold of his advice. I was now back at square one and determined to pick myself up off the ground, dust myself.off and stand tall. My brother was right. No one knew me here. It.was a clean slate. A.new.page of an unfinnshed book.
After a year of finding my feet in the new social heirarchy, i found Ashleigh. My best friend. She knows everything about my past, my present and what i want in the future. She knows the pain and tourment id been through. Shed seen it. The girls from my old school came on a sports gala day to my school. I spent the whole day hiding and even telling everyone to call me by another name so they would think i was just a look alike. Ahsleigh has shown me that not all people are like them. Shes shown me true friendship. Even tho we are complete opposites. Shes a popular beauty queen whos.everyones beach bave whereas im the secretive, tomboy chick whos kinda average but she doesnt seem to care.
its been four years since i met Ash and im glad that i did. However im starting to think she knows too much.
You see when she found out about my talents for music and drama and my talent and intrest in animals and their care she began to try and push me into showing them off again. She would sign me up to talent shows, competitions, musicals even place resumes at local.zoos and animals parks. All of which i sincerly declined offers form.
But i kniw shes just trying to help. Like i helo her with her boy issues.
Urgh dont even get me started on boys. The girl can attract all sorts of crazy into hetr life. Its my job to filter the bad crazy and advise her on her options. At least that whats she tells me.
Aftwr meeting Ash, Vanessa, Danielle, Perroe and Elenor came soon after. Our group grows everyday with additions from theor boyfriends. We r an odd group but we all get eachother. Im thier support and they are mine.
So thats been my story.for.the last 6years. Give or take a few.moments. i hope it explains a little for u guys to understand me a bit more.
Yes im a complicated chick but nothings ever easy, so just go with it.
Anway im signing off for.tonight. i still have this assignment to do and its already 1am in the morning. Aussie time for thoes around the world ;). So wish me luck!!
peach out little blogger rockers
Iill see u all soon
Sam :)
P.S
Im still looking for someone to fill this void in my life. All my.friends have someone now i thunk its my turn…dont u thinj?
@Willcat93
10/24/13