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The Happiest Place On Earth

Chapter 40: I Don't Know

Kaylani sat in the living room of the boys' tour bus watching the World of Color on her iPhone while the boys were at their soundcheck. She had recorded the entire water show while at California Adventure with Alanis one day and kept it on her phone ever since.

Normally Kaylani would wait inside the arena as the boys had their soundcheck but ever since she received the news about Ryan she had been a little off. She knew the type of person Ryan was and after realizing it was him watching her and the boys at Disneyland it was safe to say she was paranoid. Harry and the others had easily noticed Kaylani's behavior but they didn't want to mention anything. They knew that when she was with Harry her mood would uplift slightly, but it was still obvious that something was bothering her. The only person that had the slightest idea of what was bothering her was Jake and that was simply because she wasn't ready to talk about it.

Kaylani sat with her legs pressed against her chest and her headphones secured in her ears. She was watching the World of Color because Disneyland was her second home and anything having to do with it seemed to always brighten her mood. While she loved to be with the boys and to be able to see the world it was times like this that she wished she was back home so she could go to Disneyland to clear her head.

"Babe, are you in here?" Harry had scoured the entire backstage area looking for Kaylani after their soundcheck when he noticed she was nowhere to be found. Finally giving up on his search when he found Jake he asked if Jake knew where she was to which Jake happily told him their tour bus.

Kaylani couldn't hear Harry calling her because of the headphones in her ears and the fact that her back was facing the door. She was lost in the World of Color and found herself aching to go to Disneyland even more than before.

Finding her sitting on the couch with headphones in her ears Harry allowed his body to relax slightly. He knew she was safe and that was all that mattered, however he couldn't shake the feeling of knowing something was off with her. Walking up to her he gently placed his hand on her shoulder, causing her to tear one headphone out of her ear and look up at him with curious eyes.

"Oh hey. I didn't know you guys were done with soundcheck already." Kaylani pressed the pause button on her iPhone screen before moving so that Harry could sit next to her.

"What were you watching?" Taking her invitation Harry sat so that his body was pressed firmly against the side of Kaylani's before wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"The World of Color from California Adventure." Harry could see the longing look in Kaylani's eyes when he took in her features.

"You miss home, don't you?" He knew immediately that if she said yes, he would talk to her about possibly having her go home. He didn't want her to leave, if it were up to him she would live with him, but he knew that she probably missed her family and he wouldn't be the one to take that away from her.

"I don't miss home as much as Disneyland which is my second home. It was the place I would go to clear my head and it always made me happy. I guess I just miss being able to go there whenever I wanted or needed to."

Although he was slightly apprehensive about bringing the subject up, Harry could sense there was something deeper going on with his girlfriend and he wanted to get to the bottom of it. "Talk to me."

"About what?" Kaylani knew immediately what Harry wanted to talk about, but she didn't know if she was quite ready for that discussion just yet.

"What's bothering you?" Harry simply wanted to help Kay. He wanted to be there for her and be the one to comfort her when she was feeling down, but he wouldn't be able to do that if she was shutting him out.

"Nothing." Kaylani stood up to make her way to the kitchen area when she felt Harry reach out and grab her arm, stopping her from getting any farther.

"Don't do this, Kay. Don't shut me out." Kaylani could hear the desperation in Harry's voice and knew she was being unfair by keeping this from him, but she just didn't know how he would handle the situation.

"I can't, Harry."

"Yes you can." They had promised to tell each other everything and if Kaylani was going to suddenly act like this, Harry wouldn't let her push him away. He would fight for her until she either hated him or let him in, either was better than being shut out completely.

Feeling her resolve crumble, Kaylani felt her body hunch over slightly as she finally came up with a decision. She would tell him everything, she at least owed him that much.

"When Ryan called Jake it wasn't exactly to see how he was doing. He called to tell Jake that he's not giving up on me. He wants me to be happy, but he doesn't want me to be happy with anyone but him - especially you." Kaylani turned her body to face Harry just in time to see his reaction to the news. Deep within his eyes she could see a storm of emotions brewing. "Things are just going to get worse from here on out."

"I don't care what he says. He's not getting anywhere near you, even if that means I have to keep an eye on you at all times." Harry couldn't feel anything but rage at Kaylani's ex-boyfriend. He broke her heart and now he wants to waltz back into her life and control her. It was absolutely revolting.

"That's the thing Harry! You can't! I'm not going to stay on tour with you boys forever; I have to go home eventually. The minute I go home Ryan has access to me and you won't be able to do anything about it because you'll still be on tour. Even after tour it wouldn't work because you'd be in London and I'd be in California. As much as the idea of keeping me with you pleases you, it won't work. It's a fantasy." Kaylani had tears in her eyes and she could feel her heart breaking with every word. It was about time they finally stopped living in a fantasy world where they end up happy because she knew it would have to end eventually.

"I want to be there for you all day, every day. You know that. But I can't." A lone tear strolled down Harry's face before landing on his jeans. He was slowly crumbling and he didn't care if Kaylani saw.

"That's the point. You make me happier than I've ever been, but what happens when I have to go home? I'll be miserable without you. It's one step forward and two steps back."

"What are you saying?" Harry's voice cracked halfway through his sentence and he could feel his heart slowly breaking. If Kaylani was saying what he thought she was, he was going to be a mess by the end of their conversation.

"I'm saying we can't keep living in a fantasy world Harry. You can't protect me from everything. When I go home I have to talk to Ryan because he won't stop unless I do, and my life will go back to how it was before I met you. I'll be heartbroken without you and I don't think I can go through that again." Kaylani couldn't bear to look Harry in the eyes anymore. He was done hiding his emotions and being able to see them all on display was killing her.

"Is this your way of breaking up with me? If that's what you want then just tell me now so I don't have to suffer any longer. I'd rather lose you now than hold onto something that has no hope. Is that what you want? To go home knowing you won't be heartbroken about a relationship just because we're a little ways apart from each other?"

"Of course that's not what I want!" Kaylani had tears streaming down her face mixed with the black of her running makeup. She was a mess and she didn't know what to do to fix the situation she probably brought upon herself.

"Then what do you want, Kaylani? Tell me." Harry grabbed Kaylani's head firmly in his hands, forcing her to meet his gaze. They both had red eyes and tears falling down their faces, but neither one cared in that moment. They just wanted to know what was going to happen between them from this point on.

"I don't know."

Notes

PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!

This chapter was extremely hard to write, especially towards the end, but it was necessary for the plot!

THINGS ARE JUST GETTING STARTED SO BE PREPARED.

xx Kim

Comments

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Omg!! Thankfully u will update I was waiting for your update .. Amazing story . Love it

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